Frostbite Chapter 8

EightChristian was bussing her, and wow, was it a kiss. He wasnt messing around. It was the strain of kiss that sm any children shouldnt be allowed to see. Hell, it was the kind of kiss no nonpareil should be allowed to see- let alone experience through a psychic link.As Ive noted before, strong emotion from Lissa could make this phenomenon happen- the one where I got pulled in spite of appearance her head. But always, always, it was because of some negative emotion. Shed get upset or angry or depressed, and that would reach taboo to me. But this magazine? She wasnt upset.She was happy. Very, very happy.Oh man. I bespeaked to get out(a) of here.They were up in the attic of the schools chapel or, as I wishd to call it, their love nest. The place had been a regular hangout for them, bandaging when each of them was feeling antisocial and wishinged to escape. Eventually, theyd decided to be antisocial together, and one thing had led to another. Since they started publicly dating , I hadnt known they spent such(prenominal) time here anymore. Maybe they were back for old times sake.And indeed, a celebration did seem to be passing play on. Little sweet-smelling candles were set up around the dusty old place, candles that filled the air with the scent of lilacs. I would have been a little nervous most linguistic context all those candles in a confined space filled with flammable boxes and books, hardly Christian probably figured he could control any inadvertent infernos.They finally broke that insanely long kiss and pulled back to look at each other. They temporal on their sides on the floor. Several blankets had been disperse pop the stairs them.Christians face was open and tender as he regarded Lissa, his pale blue eyes aglow with some inner emotion. It was different from the way stonemason regarded me. in that respect was certainly adoration with him, besides Masons was a lot like when you walk into a church and fall to your knees in awe and fea r of something you worship only when dont rattling understand. Christian clearly worshipped Lissa in his way, but there was a knowing glint to his eyes, a sense that the deuce of them shared an catch of each other so perfect and powerful that they didnt even need words to convey it.Dont you think were going to go to hell for this? asked Lissa.He reached out and touched her face, trailing his fingers along her cheek and neck and down to the top of her silky shirt. She breathed heavily at that touch, at the way it could be so gentle and small, yet evoke such a strong passion within her.For this? He played with the shirts edge, letting his finger exactly barely purify inside of it. nary(prenominal) she laughed. For this. She gestured around the attic. This is a church. We shouldnt be doing this kind of, um, thing up here.Not true, he argued. Gently, he pushed her onto her back and leaned over her. The church is downstairs. This is just storage. matinee idol wont mind.You dont bel ieve in God, she chastised. Her lapses made their way down his chest. Her movements were as light and deliberate as his, yet they clearly triggered the same powerful solvent in him.He sighed happily as her hands slid under his shirt and up his stomach. Im humoring you.Youd say anything right now, she accused. Her fingers caught the edge of his shirt and pushed it up. He shifted so she could push it all the way off him and then leaned back over her, bare-chested.Youre right, he agreed. He carefully undid one button on her blouse. notwithstanding one. thus he again leaned down and gave her one of those hard, deep kisses. When he came up for air, he continued on as though nothing had happened. Tell me what you need to hear, and Ill say it. He unfastened another button.Theres nothing I need to hear, she laughed. Another button popped free. You can tell me whatever you wish- itd just be courteous if it were true.The truth, huh? No one wants to hear the truth. The truth is never m orose on(predicate). But you The last button came undone, and he spread her shirt away. You are too goddamned sexy to be real.His words held his trademark snarky tone, but his eyes conveyed a different message entirely. I was witnessing this scene through Lissas eyes, but I could imagine what he saw. Her smooth, white skin. Slender waist and hips. A lacy white bra. Through her, I could feel that the lace was itchy, but she didnt care.Feelings both fond and hungry spread over his features. From within Lissa, I could feel her heart race and respiration quicken. Emotions similar to Christians clouded all other coherent thoughts. Shifting down, he lay on top of her, pressing their bodies together. His mouth sought hers out again, and as their lips and tongues made contact, I knew I had to get out of there.Because I understood it now. I understood why Lissa had dressed up and why the love nest had been decked out like a Yankee Candles showroom. This was it. The moment. After a month of dating, they were going to have sex. Lissa, I knew, had done it before with a past boyfriend. I didnt know Christians past, but I sincerely doubted many girls had fallen prey to his harsh charm.But in feeling what Lissa felt, I could tell that none of that mattered. Not in that moment. In that moment, there were only the two of them and the way they felt astir(predicate) each other right now. And in a life filled with more worries than someone her age should have had, Lissa felt absolutely certain round what she was doing now. It was what she wanted. What shed wanted for a very long time with him.And I had no right to be witnessing it.Who was I kidding? I didnt want to witness it. I took no pleasure in watching other people get it on, and I sure as hell didnt want to experience sex with Christian. Itd be like losing my virginity virtually.But Jesus Christ, Lissa wasnt making it easy to get out of her head. She had no desire to detach from her feelings and emotions, and the stron ger they grew, the stronger they held me. Trying to distance myself from her, I focused my energies on approach back to myself, concentrating as hard as I could.More clothes disappeared serve on, come on, I told myself sternly.The condom came out yikes.Youre your own person, Rose. Get back in your head.Their limbs intertwined, their bodies moving together Son of a-I ripped out of her and back to myself. Once again, I was back in my room, but I no nightlong had any interest in packing my backpack. My whole world was askew. I felt strange and violated- almost unsure if I was Rose or if I was Lissa. I also felt that resentment toward Christian again. I certainly didnt want to have sex with Lissa, but there was that same pang inside of me, that frustrated feeling that I was no longer the center of her world.Leaving the backpack untouched, I went right to bed, wrapping my arms around myself and curling into a ball to try to squelch the ache within my chest.I fell asleep pretty quickly and woke up early as a result. Usually, I had to be dragged out of bed to go meet Dimitri, but today I showed up early enough that I actually beat him to the gym. As I waited, I saw Mason cutting across to one of the buildings that held classrooms.Whoa, I called. Since when are you up this early?Since I had to retake a mathematics test, he tell, walking over to me. He gave me his mischievous smile. Might be worth skipping, though, to hang out with you.I laughed, remembering my conversation with Lissa. Yes, there were definitely worse things I could do than flirt and start something with Mason.Nah. You capacity get in trouble, then Id have no real challenge on the slopes.He rolled his eyes, still smiling. Im the one with no real challenge, remember?You ready to bet on something yet? Or are you still too algophobic?Watch it, he warned, or I might take back your Christmas present.You got me a present? I hadnt expected that.Yup. But if you keep back-talking, I might give it to some one else.Like Meredith? I teased.She isnt even in your league, and you know it.Even with a black eye? I asked with a grimace.Even with two black eyes.The look he gave me just then wasnt teasing or even really suggestive. It was just nice. Nice, friendly, and interested. Like he really cared. After all the stress lately, I decided I liked being cared close to. And with the neglect I was starting to feel from Lissa, I realized I also kind of liked having someone who wanted to pay so much attention to me.What are you doing on Christmas? I asked.He shrugged. Nothing. My mom almost came down but had to cancel at the last minute you know, with everything that happened.Masons mother wasnt a guardian. She was a dhampir whod chosen to just be domestic and have kids. As a result, I knew he saw her quite a bit. It was ironic, I thought, that my mom actually was here, but for all intents and purposes, she might as well have been somewhere else.Come hang with me, I tell on impulse. Ill be wit h Lissa and Christian and his aunt. Itll be fun.Really?Very fun.Thats not what I was asking about.I grinned. I know. Just be there, okay?He swept me one of the gallant bows he liked to make. Absolutely.Mason wandered off just as Dimitri showed up for our practice. Talking to Mason had made me feel giddy and happy I hadnt thought about my face at all with him. But with Dimitri, I suddenly became self-conscious. I didnt want to be anything less than perfect with him, and as we walked inside, I went out of my way to avert my face so he couldnt look at me full-on. Worrying about that brought my mood down, and as it plummeted, all the other things that had been upsetting me came tumbling back.We returned to the training room with the dummies, and he told me he simply wanted me to practice the maneuvers from two days ago. Happy he wasnt going to bring up the fight, I set to my task with a burning zeal, showing the dummies just what would happen if they messed with Rose Hathaway. I knew m y fighting fury was fired up by more than just a simple desire to do well. My feelings were out of control this morning, raw and terrible after both the fight with my mother and what Id witnessed with Lissa and Christian last night. Dimitri sat back and watched me, occasionally critiquing my technique and offering suggestions for new tactics.Your hairs in the way, he said at one point. Not only are you blocking your peripheral vision, youre running the risk of letting your enemy get a handhold.If Im actually in a fight, Ill wear it up. I grunted as I shoved the stake neatly up between the dummys ribs. I didnt know what these artificial bones were made of, but they were a bitch to work around. I thought about my mom again and added a little extra force to the jab. Im just wearing it down today, thats all.Rose, he said warningly. Ignoring him, I plunged again. His vowelize came more sharply the next time he spoke. Rose. Stop.I backed away from the dummy, surprised to find my alert labored. I hadnt realized I was working that hard. My back hit the wall. With nowhere to go, I looked away from him, directing my eyes toward the ground. opinion at me, he ordered.Dimitri- Look at me.No matter our close history, he was still my instructor. I couldnt refuse a direct order. Slowly, reluctantly, I turned toward him, still tilting my head jolly down so the hair hung over the sides of my face. Rising from his chair, he walked over and stood before me.I avoided his eyes but saw his hand move in front to brush back my hair. Then it stopped. As did my breathing. Our short-lived attraction had been filled with questions and reservations, but one thing Id known for sure Dimitri had loved my hair. Maybe he still loved it. It was great hair, Ill admit. Long and silky and dark. He used to find excuses to touch it, and hed counseled me against cutting it as so many female guardians did.His hand hovered there, and the world stood still as I waited to see what he would do. After what seemed like an eternity, he let his hand gradually fall back to his side. vehement disappointment washed over me, yet at the same time, Id learned something. Hed hesitated. Hed been afraid to touch me, which maybe- just maybe- meant he still wanted to. Hed had to hold himself back.I slowly tipped my head back so that we made eye contact. Most of my hair fell back from my face- but not all. His hand trembled again, and I hoped again hed reach forward. The hand steadied. My excitement dimmed.Does it hurt? he asked. The scent of that aftershave, mingled with his sweat, washed over me. God, I wished he had touched me.No, I lied.It doesnt look so bad, he told me. Itll heal.I hate her, I said, astonished at just how much venom those three words held. Even while suddenly turned on and wanting Dimitri, I still couldnt drop the grudge I held against my mother.No, you dont, he said gently.I do.You dont have time to hate anyone, he advised, his voice still kind. Not in our profession. Yo u should make tranquillity with her.Lissa had said exactly the same thing. Outrage joined my other emotions. That darkness within me started to unfurl. Make peace with her? After she gave me a black eye on purpose Why am I the only one who sees how crazy that is?She absolutely did not do it on purpose, he said, voice hard. No matter how much you resent her, you have to believe that. She wouldnt do that, and anyway, I saw her later that day. She was worried about you.Probably more worried someone will bring her up on child abuse charges, I grumbled.Dont you think this is the time of year for kindness?I sighed loudly. This isnt a Christmas special This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just dont happen.He was still eyeing my calmly. In the real world, you can make your own miracles.My defeat suddenly hit a breaking point, and I gave up trying to maintain my control. I was so tired of being told reasonable, practical things whenever something went wrong in my life . Somewhere in me, I knew Dimitri only wanted to help, but I just wasnt up for the well-meant words. I wanted comfort for my problems. I didnt want to think about what would make me a better person. I wished hed just hold me and tell me not to worry.Okay, can you just stop this for once? I demanded, hands on my hips.Stop what?The whole profound Zen crap thing. You dont talk to me like a real person. Everything you say is just some wise, life-lesson nonsense. You really do sound like a Christmas special. I knew it wasnt entirely fair to take my anger out on him, but I found myself a lot shouting. I swear, sometimes its just like you want to hear yourself talk And I know youre not always this way. You were perfectly normal when you talked to Tasha. But with me? Youre just going through the motions. You dont care about me. Youre just stuck in your stupid mentor role.He stared at me, uncharacteristically surprised. I dont care about you?No. I was being petty- very, very petty. And I kn ew the truth- that he did care and was more than just a mentor. I couldnt help myself, though. It just kept coming and coming. I jabbed his chest with my finger. Im another student to you. You just go on and on with your stupid life lessons so that- The hand Id hoped would touch my hair suddenly reached out and grabbed my pointing hand. He pinned it to the wall, and I was surprised to see a flare of emotion in his eyes. It wasnt exactly angerbut it was frustration of another kind.Dont tell me what Im feeling, he growled.I saw then that half of what Id said was true. He was almost always calm, always in control- even when fighting. But hed also told me how hed once snapped and beaten(a) up his Moroi father. Hed actually been like me once- always on the verge of acting without thinking, doing things he knew he shouldnt.Thats it, isnt it? I asked.What?Youre always fighting for control. Youre the same as me.No, he said, still obviously worked up. Ive learned my control.Something about t his new realization emboldened me. No, I informed him. You havent. You put on a good face, and most of the time you do stay in control. But sometimes you cant. And sometimes I leaned forward, lowering my voice. Sometimes you dont want to.RoseI could see his labored breathing and knew his heart was beating as quickly as mine. And he wasnt pulling away. I knew this was wrong- knew all the logical reasons for us staying apart. But right then, I didnt care. I didnt want to control myself. I didnt want to be good.Before he realized what was happening, I kissed him. Our lips met, and when I felt him kiss me back, I knew I was right. He pressed himself closer, trapping me between him and the wall. He kept holding my hand, but his other one snaked behind my head, sliding into my hair. The kiss was filled with so much intensity it held anger, passion, release.He was the one who broke it. He jerked away from me and took several steps back, looking shaken.Do not do that again, he said stiffly .Dont kiss me back then, I retorted.He stared at me for what seemed like forever. I dont give Zen lessons to hear myself talk. I dont give them because youre another student. Im doing this to teach you control.Youre doing a great job, I said bitterly.He closed his eyes for half a second, exhaled, and muttered something in Russian. Without another glance at me, he turned and left-hand(a) the room.